This time last year I wrote a bit about my story, and how I felt that it doesn’t take Father’s Day to make you a Dad. Since then, I continue to work hard to keep the relationship with my Daughter as strong and as positive as it can be, despite a number of challenges.
Aside from the normal issues of shared parenting, like many of us, I’ve struggled with the continual battle that surrounds maintenance payments. It’s not been helped by unemployment, moving house, and a seemingly endless succession of errors, delays and misinformation, and it got to the point where it took a subject access request and listening to recording of conversations to finally get the CSA to acknowledge I had indeed provided them, 6 months ago, the information they were happily telling my ex-partner they had no record of.
Needless to say, this period during which accurate payments were unable to be made led to a number of difficult exchanges and handovers became harder. However, I persevered, and I firmly believe that continued effort and consistency will continue to show my Daughter how important she is to me and how valuable her time with me is.
Throughout the last year, and indeed on many occasions, I’ve been encouraged by the positivity of our members, and the overall desire simply to get things right for our kids - and so this Father’s Day, rather than reflect on challenges, I’ve found strength in thinking of things in a slightly different way.
Father’s day is about celebrating being a Dad – whether that’s on our own, with our child, or indeed as a family unit. Regardless of any personal situations, we can still be proud of being a Dad – and a big part of that is being the best you can be, doing the best you can do, and making sure wherever possible that your child grows up safe, well and happy. And for all of us going through separation, or contact issues, that’s exactly at the heart of what we’re doing. All we want is to ensure our child or children can maintain a meaningful relationship with us, and that they continue to see us as the loving, nurturing, caring Father we are.
As with the best approach in trying to secure and maintain contact, the focus is the child’s needs, not ours. Father’s Day is our children’s opportunity to see us at our best. So on Father’s Day, that’s exactly what we should focus on – nothing else. Put aside all of the hurt, the upset or frustration, and let them know exactly how happy we are that they’re with us, and how lucky we are that we’ve got to spend this day with them.
But what if they can’t be with us? We’re all too familiar with the ‘two Christmas , two Easter, and two Birthday’ arrangements that have to go hand in hand with shared parenting, so if we can’t be with our loved ones on Fathers Day itself, lets make sure the next time we’re together, we make it a special day for them – after all, its their Father’s Day…
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